PERSONAL JOURNAL:
SIN ( Conviction ): Father, this morning my wife confessed something to me that happened last night while I was sleeping. You know all the details of her heart, the events that happened, and my heart as she confessed what she confessed to me. I feel convicted right now because I feel the enemy is not only winning over my wife but I feel like I’m starting to allow him to win over me as well. Please forgive me for this, Father. Forgive me for feeling these things against my wife and against this other man whom she started to cheat on me with, but eventually walked away before it went all the way. I know from Your standards she did cheat on me, but I am so grateful that it only went as far as it did, even though I wish it hadn’t happened at all. I don’t know what to do anymore, Father. I’ve made so many changes for Your kingdom as well as for her, but it seems that no matter what I do my wife is never truly 100% with me as she always seems to want to live a single life as if I’m nobody; as if I’m a horrible husband and a horrible man. It hurts so much that she’s willing to do these things to me, Father, after all we’ve been through, all the improvements we’ve made in our communications, and all the improvements we’ve made in our relationship. I don’t know what else to do other than repent for the harsh feelings I’m feeling right now towards her and towards this man whom she says she only made out with before deciding to leave instead of pursue it fully like she was planning on doing before she even arrived there. Help me to live in You throughout all of this, Father, instead of the way I want to react/respond. Help me to keep focused on You throughout anything that comes of this, Father. Forgive me for the evil thoughts I’ve been thinking this morning ever since she revealed what little she revealed to me this morning, Father. Help her and cover her with Your cleansing spirit so that she may be rid of these evil things that seem to come over her in random bursts. Help her, Father.
PROMISE ( Luke 10:23-24 ): You make a promise to Your disciples that the eyes that see and the ears that hear these miracles being performed by them are truly blessed, but not everyone is blessed with such things. I am bless for the things I’ve seen and heard of You, Father, so I am grateful for it all and truly feel blessed by You. Although I’m in a weird place right now with very recent events, I know that You are with me and blessing me throughout this. Help me to be better in this world, Father, so that I am not like the prophets and kings You describe here. Help me to be more like the others who see and hear the great things about You so that I may be blessed by You.
ATTITUDE ( Luke 10:36-37 ): Are You speaking to me about my current situation through this verse, Father? It surer feels like it. The good Samaritan is a well-known story from the Bible that most Christians are well aware of, including myself. The attitude You speak of here is about the good Samaritan showing mercy on his neighbor, the person who was on the side of the road beaten and robbed whom two others had recently passed by. Help me to truly embrace a heart of mercy towards others, Father, because right now I am especially lacking in this. Help me to show my wife mercy when she wakes up, but also this other man that she met with last night in her drunken state. Help me to fully embrace the spirit of mercy in my heart so that I may exemplify You throughout this struggle of ours and not my flesh.
COMMAND ( Luke 10:25-28 ): Your command here is quite simple, but I must admit that it’s one I’m struggling a bit with right now. Your command is essentially the same one that Jesus answered when being tested by the Pharisees—what is the greatest command. Jesus responded both times with love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself. I am struggling with the latter part of this about the neighbor as myself right now, Father. I know this is what You want me to do, especially in this current situation so please help me to live this command out properly, Father. Do not let me screw this up. Help me to let You shine through me in this situation instead of my flesh and the enemy.
EXAMPLE ( Luke 10:38-42 ): Although the good Samaritan is an excellent example to live by, right now I’m feeling like this is a more important one for me. It involves distractions and recognizing the needs of others through the chaos and storms of life. Martha is quite busy ensuring everything is “perfect” for Jesus such as the meal, the home, etc. She is heavily distracted by the fact that her sister, Mary, is sitting next to Jesus listening to Him speak instead of helping her in the kitchen with preparations not realizing that Mary needs this right now more than she needs to help her sister Martha with the kitchen-related preparations. I too often get distracted and only think of my needs in the chaotic moments of life, Father. Help me to live like You expected Martha to live in this great example. Help me to be better at recognizing the needs of others instead of being selfish in the moments of life which throw chaos through my mind. Help me to be less self-centered and more spirit-focused through those storms of life.
*DAILY NOTE: I am greatly struggling right now, Father, as You are well aware, but I am grateful that I didn’t give into the enemy and instead decided to dig into my quiet time with You. I really needed to come to You through scripture, through prayer, through petition, and through journaling right now and I’m so glad that I chose to instead of sitting there in my emotions and flesh, starting to let the enemy win over me. Thank You for pushing me to do my quiet time this morning, Father. Thank You for always being there for me even when I’m not trying to hear what You have to say in some moments. Thank You for always loving on me and caring about me even when I struggle to do this for myself. You are truthful a faithful, loving, and caring God who is full of grace and I do not feel worthy of You but am grateful that You don’t care if I feel worthy of You as You stick with me no matter how worthy I’m feeling of You in any given moment. You are always with me no matter what I do to stray from Your amazing identity for me and path for me in this life. Thank You for all You are and do for me, Father. I am very grateful.
EXPAND TO READ: GENERAL NOTE FOR MY QUIET TIMES
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