EXPAND TO READ: DEUTERONOMY 5 (HCSB)
PERSONAL JOURNAL:
SIN (verses 18, 21): Father, I know I have confessed some of this in the past, but it is weighing on my heart a bit this morning as I read these verses. I have committed adultery against my wife and I am ashamed to admit that even now after all the healing I’ve gone through. I have coveted other people’s possessions and wives at times, which I am also not proud of. Please forgive me for these mistakes of my past, Father. Help me to overcome the hurt and pain they have caused inside of me, but also in my wife. Help me to overcome the shame and guilt I have carried in my heart over these for so long, Father.
PROMISE (verse 33): Right at the very end of this chapter You make such an amazing promise that is so difficult for someone like me to keep. I am weak in my flesh, Father, as I keep digging back into it every so often instead of leaning on You even more through those weak moments. In this verse You promise us that if we follow Your instructions as You have commanded, then we may live, prosper, and have a long life in the land we possess. This is such a powerful promise if I can just get the “follow Your instructions” part right. I know I have failed often at this one task, but I know that the more I lean on You in my life, the better my life becomes. Help me to continue to lean on You more, Father, so that I no longer delve into my own flesh and weakness.
ATTITUDE (verse 16): This has been a struggle in my life for pretty much as long as I can remember. You tell us to honor our fathers, yet how do I do something like this if my father abandoned me? I can’t have the same experiences on days like Father’s Day when my father was nowhere around growing up or even in adulthood until recently. Yes, he’s now out of jail, following You, and trying to reconcile things with his children, but how do I get over the void that’s been missing in my life for over 30 years? He reached out to me on Facebook and I decided to finally respond to him after seeking Godly wisdom from my spiritual brothers in the Real Men 300 as well as through prayer. Help me to abide in this attitude of honoring him, Father, throughout these conversations so that I may do what is pleasing to You and possibly see the relationship restored. I do not know his heart and whether or not all of the Godly restorations he claims are true, but I must at least give him the benefit of the doubt and show at least a little grace because You have shown me FAR more than I deserve. Help me to tread carefully in this, Father, so that proper healing and restoration can come through You in our relationship if that’s what You truly want. Help me to live in the attitude of honoring my father throughout all of this, so that I do not upset You, my real Father.
COMMAND (verse 29): Although this verse comes out more like a plea, I also see it as a command. You say that if only they had such a heart to fear You and keep all Your commands always. If only is absolutely right. If only I didn’t make the mistakes of my past; if only I would stop being so stubborn and disobedient; if only I would simply listen to You. I do struggle with this command, Father, but I know that the more I lean on You, the more I get right in my life. Help me to be a more Godly man in this life, Father, so that anytime I do feel the urge to go back to my old, fleshly/worldly defaults in this life it is You that I turn to immediately instead, so that I can abide in the command to have a heart of fear towards You but also a heart to keep all of Your commands. Help me to be more like Jesus when the stress starts to pile on by immediately going to prayer and my spiritual brothers in this life, Father.
EXAMPLE (verse 23-24, 29): I always find it amazing that Your people under Moses were direct witnesses to so many miracles, but also heard You speak directly to them in the masses yet they still had struggles. This just goes to show that I don’t have to beat myself up over my struggles. What You give to me is an abundance of grace because You know the “human condition” is to try to control things and/or go the “easy” route in life. Sometimes You do not want me to go the easy route and I have to be okay with that as I continue to strengthen my trust in You and love for You in our relationship. Help me to be better at being “all in” with our relationship, Father, even when I am just walking around in this crazy world.
*DAILY NOTE: I know I have some father issues that I need to work on and I know that You are using my spiritual brothers and Your word to help me through all of this. Please help me to walk through these conversations with my earthly father with the grace, compassion, and understanding that You have shown me throughout my life, Father. I know I keep delving back into my flesh concerning my relationship with my father, but if I allow You to work through me, then who knows where this relationship will go (aside for You of course). Thank You for today’s conversation and convictions, Father. I needed the reminders. I needed the directness that You always seem to provide to me. I needed this conversation. Thank You.
EXPAND TO READ: GENERAL NOTE FOR MY QUIET TIMES
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