EXPAND TO READ: DEUTERONOMY 21 (HCSB)
PERSONAL JOURNAL:
SIN (verse 7): I do often hold against people the things I did not see them commit as well as things that I do not have facts about. In this verse, You say that we will declare that our hands did not shed this blood and our eyes did not see it. If I did not commit the act and I did not witness who did, then who am I to judge others according to pretty much nothing? Hearsay is not something You wish for me to use as fact nor judgment. Assumptions are not something You wish for me to use as fact nor judgment. Please forgive me for often giving into these, Father. Forgive me for not simply leaning on You for understanding and then moving on with my life according to Your will and Your truth, without holding judgment against those who need not be judged by me. You are the ultimate judge and I must remember to keep that authority at Your level, not my own. Help me to be better with this, Father.
PROMISE (verse 9): Your promise in this verse is quite simple, yet as I mentioned above is something that I struggle with. You promise us that if we purge ourselves of the guilt of shedding innocent blood, then we will be doing what is right in the Lord’s sight. I do hold onto guilt for quite some time, even if the guilt has no foundation of truth. Help me to be better at releasing this guilt to You, Father, so that I no longer cling onto the guilt of my past or of those around me. Help me to truly live in this verse by no longer feeling guilty for things I did not do nor for things that I cannot prove without a doubt that others did. Lift this burden of guilt off my shoulders, Father, so that I can live a life carrying Your yoke and not my own.
ATTITUDE (verses 7-9): My kids often try to point the finger at others, when they really had no clue what happened. I tell them that they should never make accusations based on past mistakes or assumptions simply because it wasn’t them. If they did not witness it with their own eyes, then they should simply respond with something like “I don’t know” and leave it at that. Why do I struggle with following my own advice here? Why can’t I walk in a mindset of innocence first until proven guilty? My country’s legal system is based on this topic, yet I still struggle with it myself. I preach this to my own children, yet I still struggle with it myself. Help me with this, Father, so that I no longer presume guilt first and instead lead with innocence until proven guilty, Father. If no guilt can be found, then help me to be better at simply letting it go as an unfounded situation which only You know the truth to.
COMMAND (verse 23b): This is a simple command, yet I feel like I’m not the best at following this command. Your command is for us to not defile the land You have given to us as an inheritance. Defiling our inheritance could be many things, such as not being a good caretaker, performing sin with/on our inheritance, etc. I am guilty of all of these and more at different times throughout my life. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth. Help me to be better at honoring and respecting the inheritance You’ve blessed me with, Father. I’m not deserving of anything, yet You always seem to keep supplying me with my needs and then some. Thank You for remaining faithful to me and for showing me an endless supply of grace and mercy throughout my life, Father.
EXAMPLE (verses 15-17): This example is an interesting one. Although it does not directly apply to me, I do find it as a great example to focus on in today’s scripture. You say that if a man has two wives, which he does not equally love, and has sons with both wives that regardless of which wife the first-born son comes from he must treat the first-born as such no matter the relationship with the wives. Although I was previously married, we had no children. I couldn’t imagine the fleshly trials I’d have gone through with having children from my previous marriage AND having children in my current marriage. I couldn’t imagine the balance I’d have to maintain with trying to treat them all equally, regardless of who their mother is and my current relationship with their mother. I couldn’t imagine the struggles my children would go through from my first marriage by seeing a happy marriage with my current children getting to live with and see me every day. I can only imagine the favoritism they would feel towards the other children. This reminds me of my upbringing, where my father left our family at an early age and had two sons with another woman, whom he married and is now divorced from as well. I am reminded of the jealousy I felt towards them growing up because they got to live with my earthly father every day and I only saw him maybe twice in my entire youth after my parents got divorced. This was a tough thing for me to reveal and as I was journaling it didn’t even come to mind until just now. Thank You for putting it on my spirit, Father, so that I can release this weight off my heart and work through some of the emotions related to it.
*DAILY NOTE: It’s amazing what is revealed by the Spirit when we allow You to work in us. I would not have thought that this scripture, after initially reading it, would have revealed such a deep, pent-up emotion related to my upbringing, but that’s exactly what You did. I did feel jealousy, anger, and resentment towards my father’s second marriage and other children growing up. I felt like I was not loved or important or worth anything as a man because my father left me to raise other children and have another family/life. Although this was not the plan You had for me, brokenness in this world made it happen anyway due to the choices of others. None of this was by my choice as I was too young to even make any decisions for myself. I am old enough now, however, to make these decisions. I must be stronger and better at attempting to lean on You more in the healing of the relationship with my earthly father now that he is willing to do so. I must be better at releasing our past and starting anew with him, so that I can at least build up some semblance of a relationship with my earthly father, if that’s what You expect of me. Guide me, mentor me, and help me through all of this, Father. I am leaning on You for Your wisdom, guidance, and support throughout these trials I am facing.
EXPAND TO READ: GENERAL NOTE FOR MY QUIET TIMES
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